selections from
Spill
Wrestling with Masculinity
The Procedure: Pregnancy, Choice, and Emergency Contraception
The MTV Music Awards and Why Mainstream Music is a Heaping Pile of Garbage
Silence Ain't Sexy: an Interview with Bay Area Filmmakers
If you randomly ask people about what it means to be a man, you would get answers like: being tough, getting respect, or not showing any feelings. When a male does not represent those things, he might get called a "wuss" or a "fag." There is a lot of pressure to conform just to be "one of the guys." By retracing the years I spent in different schools, reflecting on my education, and identifying the way people acted; I realized the conditioning male youth were receiving from our media. In elementary school, getting respect meant being athletic or swift and making shots on the basketball court. In middle school having skills on the court was not that big of a deal anymore. Gaining respect also included what you were wearing and who you were playing with. People started hanging around in cliques and being a "bad ass" in school by acting tough in front of people. Some of the things that would make someone cool were being good-looking, strong, aggressive, and being able to fight. These types of qualities are constantly represented in our media, so it was easy for guys to be influenced by them. We were in a time of our lives when we weren't sure of our identity or the way we should act, so we got information from characters like "Rambo," "The Terminator," or channels like MTV, that use hype buildup or superficial ways to appeal to people. By the time I was in high school as a freshman, I was no longer the recognized guy at school, because there were so many people competing school was about looks, cars, and sports teams they belonged to. The school was full of people of color: Blacks, Asians, and Latinos. The media stereotyped every ethnic group. The Blacks were seen as comedians, gang members, or angry people. Asians were seen as martial artists and immigrants. The Latinos were seen as gang members and tough guys. These stereotypes portray men of color as violent and tough people. Men of color face some of the worst images put forth by the media, and perhaps it is because this country fears them. I was the only Arabic guy at my school, but as a person of color, I thought I had to fit in with the tough crowd. My older sister once commented on the way I acted at school. She questioned why I would walk down the halls with a tough mugging look. I did not have an answer. As a matter of fact, I had no idea that I was doing that at all. Looking back now, I must have seen other people as enemies or maybe I was too afraid to open up in front of people. I was on the wrestling team in high school for all four years. I joined wrestling because I thought it would be fun knocking people down and putting people in submissive positions. It wasn't until after my first year that I got to see the truth about wrestling. Wrestling was nothing like the TV's World's Wrestling Entertainment (WWE); real wrestling was centered on having confidence, heart, and technique. Everyone wrestled in his or her own weight class so the only thing that would decide who would win the match was who came more prepared. Almost every response I get from someone, when they find out I wrestled, is "Did you have to wear those tights?" Because of the fact I wore those singlets, people saw me as less of a man. Although, it actually makes wrestlers look buff and enhances their masculinity. It was just too difficult for people to believe that wrestling, where people wore tights, was a tough sport. It was disappointing for me to know that people had preconceived notions about wrestlers because it made them miss that it took a lot of hard work and dedication to be a good wrestler. We also have preconceived notions about what it means to be a man, which makes people blind to what it really takes to be one. The media has played a part in connecting being a "man" and being tough. Men unconsciously accept that they have more control if they do not emotionally reveal themselves. We are hiding our humanity when we are taught to be strong physically and withdraw our emotions. Emotions are normal and it is healthy for those who do not want to keep feelings bottled in to express emotions so they don't erupt at a different time. If men were to express their emotions and feelings rather than demonstrating a kind of manliness that is built on toughness, they would have stronger relationships with people and perhaps look more critically at the media to question its misleading portrayal of men. This article will also appear in: from Spill #7 spring 2004 |
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The Procedure by anonymous |
Early in my teen years I came to the conscious decision that a woman should have the right to make her own reproductive choices. Whether the decision was to give birth or have a procedure to terminate the pregnancy; it was her body, her experience, and her life. This decision was something I believed, but had never considered for myself. I always practiced safer sex before I had a steady partner, and once I was in a committed relationship I made a decision to use birth control. The birth control thing really affected both my emotions and my physical body. I started on Depo-Provera (the 3 month shot) and I would have really high highs and really low lows. Sometimes I did not want to leave my room for days because I was so depressed. After about a year on that system, I decided to switch to something else because my boyfriend and I had had enough of its side effects. I needed to visit my doctor to discuss other options, but slacked on it for a while. I guess I slipped and just forgot to make an appointment sooner, or maybe I thought that it couldn't happen to me, or maybe I was just being a dumb ass. When I found out I was pregnant I was 20 years old. I was shocked and couldn't believe I had let this happen. Although I maintained my pro-choice decision, I never thought that I would let myself get in a situation where I, personally, would have to make that kind of choice. I was scared about what might happen next, and what I should do. I felt so ashamed about what had happened and felt that I would let my family down if I had a baby. I knew what I had to do. Maybe it was a selfish decision — I had trips planned, I had school to finish, and I wasn't too sure about my relationship at the time. I knew that I wanted to be stable before I had a kid. At that time in my life I was really struggling financially (depending on Top Ramen and Mac'n'Cheese), but there were numerous reasons why I made this decision. My mom had my older sister all by herself, when she was 19, and she went through really tough times and had to make many sacrifices to raise her. I'm glad that I didn't have to go through this alone and my supportive boyfriend didn't pressure me into making any decision. It was hard on both of us, cuz you start thinking about all the "what ifs?" I wondered if this was meant to be, if this happened for a reason, if I should keep it, and what that would mean. When we finalized the decision to have an abortion, I could never have been prepared for what was next in the process. The whole doctor thing was one of the most horrible experiences that I've been through. I was lucky to be insured, so the finances were not a huge issue. The medical staff made me feel like an idiot for not coming back to get more birth control; they weren't very nice and spoke to me as if I was some dumb irresponsible juvenile — another statistic. They never said abortion, but instead called it "The Procedure," which gave a whole negative feel to it. The abortion itself was less than five minutes. You're sitting there waiting, some nurse comes in, followed by a doctor with some weird vacuum contraption, he sticks it up your vagina, and sucks it out of you, and that's it. Then the worst follows: I had to go through two days of the worst pain ever, like cramps, but fifty times worse. I was told by the nurse that I could expect pain from my uterus shrinking back down or something like that. I was in so much pain and I cried so much, I decided to go to the emergency room. Only then did I find out the abortion hadn't been done correctly — I had leftovers still inside. After the whole thing was over, I swore I would never go through that again and keep myself from getting into the same predicament. I have always believed that shit happens for a reason and death is just our souls leaving their physical state. When I reminded my self of these beliefs, I realized that this kid's soul was just gonna be waiting for its chance at another physical body and that it didn't hate me for my decision. I know that it is important for me to become stable and grow to be a better person so when I do have a child I am as ready as I can be to be the best possible parent. This experience has really impacted how I take care of my body and make choices to prevent this from happening again. I make sure I don't forget to take my preg-not pills and I visit the doctor when I need to. Remembering that this kind of thing can happen to anyone helps me to not regret what I did and instead empowers me to be a strong, responsible, independent, young woman. Pregnancy Options: When making a decision about whether or not to have a child, get support and consider your options with someone you know and trust; someone who might have experience or knowledge on the subject. If you do not know of anyone, a counselor, friend or family member, than you can always call a hotline or check out a website such as the ones provided below. You have options, and the best choice you can make is the one that comes from your heart, that has been examined and weighed as the healthiest most beneficial choice for you. Remember you know yourself best and you have the right to make your own decisions. Here are some options for an unplanned pregnancy: If you have missed your period or have signs of pregnancy such as breast tenderness, frequent peeing, unexplained weight gain, nausea, dizziness, or fatigue, you should go see your doctor or go to a clinic to get a pregnancy test. Abortion: If you are pregnant and you do not want to carry the child you can receive a medical or surgical abortion. A medical abortion is done by taking pills called RU 486 a.k.a. Mifepristone. You can find out more information about this through a clinic or your health care provider or read the fact sheets on the web at www.prochoice.org. A surgical abortion is done in the clinic or doctors office. It is a short procedure in which a vacuum like tub is put into your vaginal opening in order to remove the fetus and placenta. Make sure to ask lots of questions and to get support from someone outside the hospital or clinic. Adoption: If you choose to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption, you can find out information on the adoption network www.adoption.org. This site gives you many other links and answers questions about how the process works and what you can expect. Drop off: There is a "Safe Haven" law in 42 states, that allows you to drop off your baby at a specific location like a hospital, fire house or police station. In California you can drop off the newborn if he/she is 3 days old or younger at a hospital emergency room. Parent: You can always raise your child with your partner, by yourself, or with the support of friends, family. Overall: Talk to someone, if you can't let your family know make sure you have someone around to support you. Check out the resources below for more info. Oops, the Condom Broke!: Emergency Contraception Emergency contraception pills prevent pregnancy after unprotected sexual intercourse. They are safe, legal and most effective if taken within a 72 hour period. They do not protect against STDs. What you will need to know when calling an emergency contraception provider:
Bay Area and National Reproductive Health Services Referrals Emergency Contaception Nationwide Referrals Access: Women's Health and Rights Coalition The Abortion Access Network Planned Parenthood Lyon-Martin Women's Health Services EXHALE from Spill #6 summer 2003 |
The MTV Music Awards by Jack DeJesus |
Music, Sweet Music? There used to be a time where music had more dignity. When there were no formulas to success. When the artist's music meant way more than his/her looks and image. When there was no such thing as a "music video." Way before music was a product on store shelves, it was a form of ritual and celebration for families, tribes, and communities. It set the tone for a new birth, a wedding, a prayer, or a funeral. It was a sacred, spiritual act that was shared amongst everyone. Unfortunately, times have changed. Capitalism reared its ugly head and turned what was once sacred into a tasteless commodity. Substance and values have taken a back seat to a musician's image and looks, or how much shock value an artist has. One key example is how women are blatantly exploited without any regard. And no show can truly exemplify this more than the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards. After seeing the awards on TV last fall, I have lost hope that this type of packaged mainstream music will be anything more than pure garbage. Arriving in "Style?" Even before the show, as artists were arriving and walking the red carpet, it started going downhill. Stars trying to out-do each other with the skimpiest or most shocking outfits. Pop star Christina Aguilera with the hot pink feather mini-dress. R&B singer Ashanti rocking a pink glitter cutaway dress that looked like it could fall apart if you accidentally bumped into her. Actress/model Pamela Anderson wearing a tube top that was actually longer than her miniskirt. If it wasn't the outfits it was the accessories. Rapper Snoop Dogg did the best "pimp"-ersonation of the night, walking in his female escorts on leashes (friggin LEASHES!). Even hip hop group Outkast (one of my favorite groups of all time) disappointed me, arriving on a flatbed truck fully equipped with a stripper pole and of course, strippers. The Main Event The actual awards show was no better. Madonna, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera went for the shock treatment by doing the most insincere kiss-for-show I've ever seen in my life. And of course, we can't leave out that darn Snoop D-O-Double-Gizzle once again, and his "puppies on leashes," making a cameo during 50 Cent's performance of the hit song aptly titled, "P.I.M.P." Sigh. Awards host and comedian Chris Rock threw some well-timed irony after 50 Cent and Snoop's performance when he asked: "Today is the anniversary of Martin Luther King's 'I Have a Dream' speech. Isn't it nice to see his dream finally came true?" It's funny how America boasts freedom & equality, yet on national TV, we are perfectly fine with glorifying the exploitation and oppression of women. Now all the wannabe Snoops and 50 Cents are justified in their women-hating behavior. Okay, so there were some exceptions, mostly in what many consider the "rock" category. Awardees Radiohead and Coldplay, as well as rock/country legend Johnny Cash, brought a type of unique emotion & musical innovation rarely seen or heard in today's pop music. Their videos also spared viewers from the typical bubble-gum, shock value, image type stuff. In general however, the decisions about who was nominated for awards and who won is questionable, cause for the most part, it isn't really about the MUSIC. It's about looks, image, special effects, and well-placed tits and ass scenes. It's about selling an artist's image to sell their records. I mean, rarely did the video have to do with the actual topic of many of these songs. And My Point Is... So what's my point? We need to challenge ourselves to look beyond the image, beyond the looks, beyond the tits and ass, beyond the shock value. We have to be more critical about the music we listen to, about the content, about the values, and about what we consider to be "good music." We have to remember that music is meant to uplift, not to demean people and glorify bullshit ideas. At the same time, I'm not saying that we must NOT listen to Snoop. I'm saying that we have to keep in mind that these are unhealthy values that these songs and artists are perpetuating, and we have to at least be critical of these messages. "Art is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it." - Bertolt Brecht Fortunately, there are some musicians who have managed to create dignified music and be fairly successful at it. Of course there are rock groups similar to the ones I mentioned earlier. Rage Against the Machine was highly successful while putting out a mostly anti-corporate, anti-consumer message. In the R&B spectrum, artists like Erykah Badu sing about the struggle to grow out of poverty. Even the rap world has its dignitaries, such as Nas, who often slips messages of social value in his hardcore lyrics. Dilated Peoples, considered underground but signed to major record label Capitol, not only have conscious lyrics all throughout their songs, but also participate in events and concerts to raise awareness about community issues. After watching the MTV Video Music Awards, I've just about lost all hope that pop music will ever be anything more than superficial. Thank goodness there are exceptions out there who can stimulate my mind and soul AND get me to shake my booty. And when worse comes to worse, at least I have some old records and tapes to remind me of what "good music" was meant to be. from Spill #7 spring 2004 |
Silence Ain't Sexy |
Spill: Why did you want to make this film? Julia: Sex ed is almost nonexistent, and sex is really represented negatively and irresponsibly in the media. We came up with this idea about how we, as people making media, could be more responsible. Crescent: We found that there weren't a lot of new sex ed videos that kids actually liked. People said that they were really old, from the 70s, and that they couldn't relate to them at all. We realized that there was a need for a video that was actually outspoken about sexuality and sexual health. Our main goal was to really encourage people to talk about sex whether with their parents, someone older, their partner, friends, teachers. The more that we can all be open about sex, the healthier everyone is going to be. Everyone in this culture has a hard time talking about sex. Some people like to talk about sex, but in a purely bragging way, which is different than talking about how you feel, what you're scared of, or some of the harder things. J: Emotions and sex are hard to talk about when you are a teenager. It's such a major period in a person's life; but in our culture, we just don't have any guidance. C: Even if the audience doesn't hear what is actually being said, just showing the people in the video talking about sex sends a message. The people in the video demonstrate being open enough to talk about sex and not being ashamed of their sexuality. They think sex is a healthy thing. They've had some bad experiences, but they are willing to share them so that people can learn. S: What would you like to do differently next time? C: We'd like to have more youth involved in writing the script or have another musical act like Aima who wrote the song and performed it. We'd also like to involve youth more in production. J: They could do interviews. It might be more interesting to have them talk peer to peer, the way high school students talk among themselves, rather than to an adult. S: What would you recommend for young people who wanted to create their own media? C: If you want access to cheap, possibly free, equipment and training, go to your local cable access center. There is one in SF and one in Berkeley. Make sure you write your script or an outline, something that will guide you when you are shooting your video. This pre-production and planning process is really important and it takes a while to learn your best way of doing it. And get media literacy tools. S: Could you summarize "media literacy?" C: Be able to watch tv critically. See the messages they are trying to give you or what you are learning about culture by watching tv. Ask yourself, who's funding this program? Who are the advertisers? What messages are you getting? What are they telling me about myself? What are they saying about someone like me? J: What are they promoting? What are they selling? They are always promoting or selling something, whether it's an advertisement or a tv show. C: The employer is the television networks. And the consumer is actually the advertisers, who are paying the networks to hire us to watch the commercials. The payment that we are getting as workers is the programming that we are seeing. That's why they get all angry when you have TiVo and don't watch your commercials, because watching the commercials is actually the work that you are doing. You are stealing from them if you're watching your programming without commercials. It's like getting paid for not doing work. S: Any last thoughts? C: Learning about how to make your own media is really empowering. At least for me, I feel like I have more of a voice. And, if you have access to a video camera, you can do whatever you want, really. Want help making your own video? Check out these organizations: Pinch Me Films TILT Just Think Media Education Foundation Scenarios USA Listen Up from Spill #7 spring 2004 |